Hurt Jokes / Recent Jokes

I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.

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A husband and wife (a blonde) went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet. "Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!"

she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"

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A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.

The dumb Blonde more...

An EMS responder had gone to an automobile accident and was checking a patient who was lying on the road for injuries. As she knelt beside him and probed him, she asked, "Does this hurt or does that hurt?"
After each probe, he replied, "No." When she had nearly completed her examination, she shifted to a better spot from which to finish the examination when after one of her probing questions, he exclaimed very loudly, "That hurts!"When she asked where, he looked up at her with a look of real pain on his face and said, "Your kneeling on my fingers!"

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on theFerris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wifewent on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out andlanded in a heap at her husband's feet." Are you hurt?" he asked." Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't waveonce!"

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy.
The doctor asks her if she has any questions.
She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood
drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood
wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt, he asked me what my husband did.When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, “This might hurt a little more than I thought.”