Hypnotist Jokes

It was opening night at the theatre and people came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As the hypnotist took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as he withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred more...

It was opening night at the theatre and people came from miles around to see the the very famous hypnotist do his stuff.
As the hypnotist took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The people had heard of the famous magic of the hypnotist, so the excitement was almost electric as he withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the more...

A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students onenight. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speakersystem. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the soundof my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Prettysoon, he had every single student in the audience completely mesmerized, eachone hanging on his every word.Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stagefor a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And thenhe repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." Ashe turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his butt, and yelled "SHIT!"

It was entertainment night at the senior center, and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and more...

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that's wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the bathroom more...