Idiot Jokes / Recent Jokes

IDIOT SIGHTINGS...Sighting #1:I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."Idiot Sighting #2:The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving!"Idiot Sighting #3:At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often," Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an more...

How does an idiot call for his dog? He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.

A young man was hired by a multi-national company as a trainee. When he arrived at work his first morning, he picked up the phone, called the pantry and yelled, "Get me a coffee immediately."
A voice on the other end of the phoned growled, "You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension. Do you happen to know who you're talking to, you idiot?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"I'm the Managing Director of the Company, you fool!" he yelled.
"Well," the trainee shouted back, "do you happen to know who you're talking to, you idiot?"
"No," replied the Managing Director.
"Good!", replied the trainee meekly, as he hung up the phone.

IDIOTS IN SERVICE
This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the more...

Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water? He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs.

Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

Mouse Balls

Some of the best humor is real-to-life. This story was related to me yesterday by the pastor himself (not a computer literate person by his own admission) as he told of a real phone call he received from the church secretary last week.

Secretary: Pastor, we've got a problem in the computer lab where you met with the confirmation class last week. Some of the boys in the class started messing with the mice.

Pastor: What?!?! {thinking: we've got mice in there????}

Secretary: Yeah, it seems some of the boys removed their balls.

Pastor: {incredulously:} Th..th...they did what?????? How in the world did they do that?

Secretary: They must have used a screwdriver or something.

Pastor: We've got some pretty sick boys... I... I... didn't even realize mice had balls...

Secretary: Yeah, they roll around on' em.

Pastor: What?????? {still thinking of the little fury real animals} more...