Idiot Jokes / Recent Jokes
Some Words of Wisdom...
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
Few women admit their age and few men act theirs.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
LOVE: Two vowels, two consonants, and two fools.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Forget about world peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We have enough youth. How more...
Some Words of Wisdom...The gene pool could use a little chlorine.Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? Few women admit their age and few men act theirs.I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.LOVE: Two vowels, two consonants, and two fools.According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.Forget about world peace...Visualize using your turn signal.WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.Give me ambiguity or give me something else.We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart? Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better more...
A burgular enters a house when he thinks no one is home. As he is creeping through the living room he hears "Jesus is watching you". Startled, he looks around but sees nothing. He tries walking through the house and hears it again. This time he looks around and spots a parrot in the corner of the room. "Did you say Jesus is watching me?" he asked. The bird replies "yes".When he asked the birds name the bird told him Clarence. "What idiot would name a bird Clarence?" the burglar asked. "The same idiot who named the family Rottweiler Jesus."the bird replied
A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why she left her last employment, she replied,' Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. They played a game called Bridge, and last night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say,' Lay down and let's see what you've got.' Another man said,' I've got strength but no length.' Another man says to the lady,' Take your hand off my trick!' I pretty near dropped dead just then, when the lady answered,' You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise.' Another lady was talking about protecting her honor and two other ladies were talking and one said,' Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine. Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die if one of them didn't say,' Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the last rubber.'
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says,' 'I want my $20 million.'' The man replied,' 'No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.''
The Redneck said,' 'Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.'' Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out,' 'Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!''
I love animals, they taste great.
EARTH FIRST! We`ll stripmine the other planets later.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
IDIOT SIGHTINGS...
Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
Idiot Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving!"
Idiot Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often," Not another word was spoken. We just looked at more...