Immigration Jokes

Immigration to the USA
Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China.
They decided to become American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China
...
Their sister Su never immigrated.

It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?"
The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!"

An American mathematician returns home from a conference in Moscow^
An American mathematician returns home from a conference in Moscow on real and complex analysis.
The immigration officer at the airport glances at his landing card and says: "So, your trip to Russia was business related. What's the nature of your business?"
"I am a professor of mathematics."
"What kind of mathematics are you doing?"
The professor ponders for a split second, trying to come up with something that would sound specific enough without making the immigration officer suspicious, and replies: "I am an analyst."
The immigration officer more...

Just as well cause there are no maids to clean the hotel rooms.

A Filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport. Immigration tells him, "Use the words' chicken not bread' in a sentence." The Filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman's head and yells, "Chee kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!" (accent on "she cannot breathe")


An arctic explorer^
An arctic explorer came face to face with a polar bear. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying. When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, "It's a miracle!" The polar bear opened one eye and said "Don't talk while I'm saying grace."

The lady at the Immigration and Naturalization office came into the office late one day to see a room full of people. She took a moment to overhear a conversation already in progress before her anonymity was compromised. Two Italians were engaged in an animated conversation. Her attention was galvanized when she heard one of them say: First Emma, she coma. Then I coma. Then to asses they bump togetha'. Then I coma again. Then to asses they bump togetha' again. Then I coma again. Then pee twice. Then I coma one lasta' time. "You foul mouth swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" He says to her, "Hey, coola downa lady. Imma justa teachin' my frena' howa' to spella' Mississippi."