Impress Jokes / Recent Jokes

Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her...
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
Show up naked.
... with Beer

The owner of a sausage factory was showing his preppy, arrogant son around the place. As hard as he tried to impress him, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory and the father thought, 'now this is sure to impress him'.
Showing his son the machine, he said, "Son, this here is the heart of the factory. With this machine here, we put in a pig and out comes sausages."
Still unimpressed, the snotty son said, "Oh joy!" Would you happen to have a machine where you can put in sausages and out comes a pig?"
Furious at his attitude, the father said, "Yes son, actually we do. We call it your mother!"

HOW TO IMPRESS AN ITALIAN MAN: Show up naked, Bring Beer.

Top Ten Ways A Computer Nerd Can Impress His Date
10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your color laser printer and top-notch graphics program.
9. Spend an evening playing floppy disks backward, listening for the secret messages about Satan.
8. Invite her back to your place to show her the etchings on your Newton MessagePad.
7. Let the lady go first when you reach the virtual reality escalator.
6. Serenade her with your MIDI-compatible drum pads.
5. Have your dinner illuminated by the soft glow of an active-matrix LCD panel.
4. If you're getting serious, consider a set of "his 'n' her" system unit keys.
3. Drive her crazy by murmuring tender love words with the help of a French-speaking voice synthesizer.
2. Never type on your date's laptop computer without permission, particularly if the system is on her lap.
1. When things get tough, simply ask yourself, "What would Bill Gates do in a situation like this?

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her... HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.

How To Impress a Woman:
Compliment her Cuddle her Kiss her Tease her Comfort her Hug her Send her flowers Wine and dine her Listen to her Care for her Hold her Support her
How to Impress a Man:
Show up naked... with beer.

There was a shortage of rice in Sri Lanka some years ago. Well to do and the able were the selected crowd did enjoyed this luxary. Most others just pretended that they too enjoy the same. Our Village Headman was one of them. As numerous ones visit him rgularly he made it a point to impress them that he is defenitely one who is blessed with this luxary. So every time when some one visit him he apply some cooked grains of rice on his moustache and come forward to impress that he had just enjoyed a good meal of rice.
Once a group of villagers droped in, on some kind of complains. As usual he came forward to meet the group with' rice attachment on his moustache.'
Right then his young son came running to the front of the house and said, "Thaathea, Thaathea that coconut shell you keep rice to place on your moustache before meeting people who come here was knocked by the cat and they are all now coward with ash near the fire place.