India Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was once LKY visited India. He was warmly welcomed by Gandhi, who took him to view many places in India. After sightseeing, LKY has this to say to Gandhi,' All the places I have visited in India are dirty, filthy and untidy. you should see how clean Singapore is!'
A month later, Gandhi made a visit to Singapore. LKY brought him to Compass Rose for dinner. Gandhi who was unhappy with LKY insult, tried to find some dirty places in Singapore to return the insult.
He took a pair of binoculars and look all around singapore to find a place which is dirty, but could find none. Finally, Gandhi after 10 mins of searching, saw a place which is very dirty and untidy.
He signaled to LKY and ask him to take a look. Gandhi said,' This particular place is extremely dirty and untidy. Can you tell me where it is?'
LKY took a look from the binos and said with a smile,' Oh, that is Little India.'

This wonderful example of international humor was posted on the listserv list INDIA-D:
By the way, for we people (from India) who were born and brought up in the wrong side of the world, doing things in the wrong way has become a way of life.
For example,
In India we drive on the wrong side of the road. Even the cars we produce or drive have steering wheels on the wrong side.
We pronounce 'Z' as "Jed" instead of "Zee".
We meekly accepted MKS (Meter, Kilogram, Second) system like the rest of the world while America proudly stuck to the FPS system.
We use Lakhs & Crores while they use millions & billions.
We dumbly use Celsius while they use Fahrenheit (Cool!).
We play football only using foot. (How restricting! We lack imagination...)
In restaurants we ask for a bill and pay it with a cheque unlike here where they ask for check and pay it with a bill (Dollar bill).
I never realised '#' was the right symbol for pound instead of more...

Hal Hooper started the day early, having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Hal decided to relax for awhile.
He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL), poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE), turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in... AMERICA...

The Inspector Generals of Police of the USA, the former USSR and India happened to be travelling together on an international flight. They exchanged notes regarding the efficiency and quickness of their respective police forces. The Russian IG claimed that they submit a report of a crime to their Home department within fourteen days.
The American IG went a step ahead and boasted that they did so within fourteen hours. The Indian IG of police who was listening to these tall claims with rapt attention gave a mysterious smile and said that they did things more efficiently in India. When questioned by his co-passengers he replied,' Our police in fact know a good fourteen days in advance about the nature, time and place of the crime that is yet to take place.'

A Punjabi peasant on his first flight to take up a job in England got a seat on a British airline. Came lunch time and the stewardess brought a tray of European savouries.' No,' said the peasant firmly as he undid a small bundle and took out a makki ki roti.
'What is this you are munching?', asked the stewardess.
'This bread India,' he replied.
A little while later, the stewardess brought a trayful of puddings of different kinds. Once again the peasant shook his head as he produced a lump of gur from his pocket and put it in his mouth.
'What is this you are chewing?', asked the stewardess.
'This sweet India,' he replied.
When the stewardess came to take away the lunch trays, the peasant let out a loud belch.
And what is this?', demanded the stewardess sternly.
'This is Air India.'

LOOKING through the first Press Commission Report of 1954 presided over by Rajyadhaksha, I came upon a nugget. The commission was examining newspaper owners and questioning them about freedom given to editors. At the time Bennet Coleman (The Times of India group of publications) was owned by Seth Rama Krishna Dalmia whose grandson A. K. Jain presides over the newspaper empire today. Seth Dalmia maintained that he never interfered with his editors and as an example cited the campaign against prohibition carried out by the hard drinking editor of The Times of India, Frank Moraes. The commission was not impressed: "Why did you sack Feroze Chand?" a member asked Dalmia.
"Because he wrote bad English."
"Why did you sack Ranajung Bahadur Singh?" asked another.
"For the same reason, his English was not good."
"Do you know the English language well? Do you regard yourself as an expert on the language?" asked the more...

AFTER buying a lottery ticket with prize money of one lakh of rupees being offered, Banta Singh started walking towards the bus stop to go home. Since the DTC buses have a very irregular time, Banta picked up a conversation with a shabby-looking man standing next to him.
'You know Banta said proudly,' I am sure to win the lottery prize. Tomorrow I am going to be the richest man in India; I am going to buy all the factories of Tatas and Birlas, all other multinational companies too.'
After a long pause, the shabby-looking man said,' But who told you that I am going to sell them?'