Influential Jokes

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer.
Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in poultry science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask." In the book, Hing finds a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards and examines the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.
So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese more...

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, and Bill Gates. He said to them, ''I've called you here because you are the 3 most influential spokepersons in the world. Go back to Earth and tell everyone there is a God, but he's blowing up the world tommorrow.'' So, Bill Clinton went back and said, ''Fellow Americans, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a God, and the bad news is he's blowing up the world tommorrow.'' Colin Powell went back and said, ''I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is a God and the good news is he's blowing up the world tommorrow.'' Then, Bill Gates went down, gathered up all his computer buddies on the Internet and said, '' I have some good news. The first part of the good news is I've been voted one of the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. The other good news is the Y2K problem is solved.''

God decided it was time to end the world, so he called together those
whom he
considered the three most influential people in the world - Bill
Clinton,
Fidel Castro and Bill Gates.
"The world will end," God told them. "You must go tell the people."
President Clinton made a live statement on CNN. "I have good news and I
have
bad news," he said. "The good news is that we have been right, there is
a
God. The bad news is that he is ending the world."
Castro sent out a worldwide message to all Communisits.
"I have bad new and worse news," he said. "The bad news is that we have
been
wrong all along, there is a God. The worse news is that he is ending the
world."
Bill Gates got on his computer and sent out a worldwide e-mail on the
Internet. "I have good news and I have better news," he wrote. "The good
news
is that God more...

There was once a very influential farmer in an obscure part of China. He had a problem, for which he sought the counsel of the two wise men in town. So he summons the two wise men, Hing, who is an scientist, and Ming, who is a sorcerer, and requests that they find a cure for his chickens who are losing their feathers and dying. Hing decides to pay a visit to his mentor at the Agricultural Extension of the local Community College, under whom he studied many years ago. The mentor recommends the book "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask". So Hing visits the library, borrows the book, and finds inside the report of a study that finds that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a cure for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards. He also tries to read the entrails of a fetal pig. Getting no more...