Informs Jokes / Recent Jokes
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right,"
she informs. "Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter *this* church!" he insists.
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.
The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was more...
Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to dateher mother.... You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play littleleague with her.... She has a thicker moustache than you.... When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.... You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.... Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.... You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin.... At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.... She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut.... You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.... At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.... She keeps more...
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it.
A few moments later, the lady reappears, wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says,' Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse.'
'But Father, I have a divine right,' she informs.
'Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church!' he insists.
BACON SLICER
A man goes to the Doctor and says that he has a serious sexual problem.
When asked to give details, the man says that for a very long time he has
been wanting to put his penis in the bacon slicer. The doctor is
astounded, and gives the man some pills and instructs him to take one
every day and to then come back and see him in a week. A week later the
man returns and the Doctor asks him how things went, to which the man
replies that he couldn't resist the urge and finally just had to put his
penis in the bacon slicer. A little worried, the Doctor asks to take a look
at the man's penis, but on inspection he can find nothing wrong with it.
"There's nothing wrong with you, what about the bacon slicer?" asks the
Doctor, to which the man replies "I don't know, he ran away!"
GENIE'S WISH
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how
badly screwed she got over more...
Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date
her mother.
...You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league with her.
...She has a thicker moustache than you.
...When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.
...You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.
...Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.
...You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin.
...At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
...She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut.
...You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.
...At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her more...
Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to dateher mother....You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play littleleague with her....She has a thicker moustache than you....When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions....You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole....Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system....You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin....At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic....She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut....You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno....At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill....She keeps staring at more...