Informs Jokes

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badlyscrewed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lampwashing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As aconsolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, hecautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give herex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makesher first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grantsher wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollarbills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. Thesecond wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own privatebeach. In an instant it was granted, but the more...

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a headcovering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrivedwithout her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied toher head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you toenter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right," she informs."Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter *this* church!" he insists.

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it.

A few moments later, the lady reappears, wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says,' Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse.'

'But Father, I have a divine right,' she informs.

'Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church!' he insists.

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices that his eyes are bulging and his ears are protruding. He becomes very concerned, so he goes to his doctor and asks him what is wrong with him. The doctor told him that he has a rare disease that will require him to take this medication for several months to clear up the disease; however the medication will make his hair fall out permanently.
Several months later the guy's eyes are still bulging and his ears are still protruding - more so now that his hair is gone, so this time he goes to a different doctor who informs him that he has a prostate problem and that they will have to remove his testicles. The guy has the surgery only to find his eyes are still bulging and his ears are still protruding.
Determined to find out what is wrong with him, he goes to another doctor who tells him that the nerves in his hands are pinching the nerve endings in his ears and his eyes and the only way to resolve the problem is to have his more...

Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date
her mother.
...You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league with her.
...She has a thicker moustache than you.
...When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.
...You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.
...Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.
...You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin.
...At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
...She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut.
...You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.
...At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her more...