Inning Jokes

Standardized Guide to the Bases Do you remember middle school/junior high/high school? If so, do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?"Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they got tosecond base!"Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was secondbase? Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? Noone was really sure. Also, thebases tended to get progressively more intense as you got older. What's aperson to do? Here, we mourn the passing of using baseball ananlogies to describesexual activity. But let's face it, there are more than four stages intodays day and age of sex play. So, in the interests of both bringingbaseball sex metaphors in line with the complications of modern romanceand with standardizing the bases, we present the Standardized Guide to theBases.First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old days. -First Base- This was almost always kissing, although one guyI knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was more...

There are TWO teams, with eleven players each (instead of nine as in baseball).

Instead of four bases, there are only two; in the middle of the field, sixty-six feet apart... all running is between the two bases... the ball can be hit in front, OR behind... or, in ANY direction.

Instead of rotating batting for nine innings each, EACH team does all its batting in a SINGLE inning.

The team scoring more runs wins the game.



[NOTE: Unlike baseball, where a pitcher rests every 10 or so pitches when the BATTING rotates, cricket pitchers rest every 6 pitches as their PITCHING rotates.]


The fielding team works with TWO pitchers at the same time.

The first pitcher throws from one base to the other. After six throws, the catcher moves around behind the first pitcher's base, pitcher #2 takes over. He makes six throws in the opposite direction (i. e. towards the starting pitcher's base). The two pitchers keep more...

A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him arepeeling and flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing outthe other fans. The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where hisgrotesque appearance won't disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the manin the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there. The man answers, "Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game." The leper sits down and adds, "As you can see, I have leprosy. Ifit disturbs you, I will move." "It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game." A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowingme to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has causedyou more...

A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him arepeeling and flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing outthe other fans.The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where hisgrotesque appearance won't disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the manin the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there.The man answers, "Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."The leper sits down and adds, "As you can see, I have leprosy. Ifit disturbs you, I will move.""It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game."A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits.Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere.Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowingme to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has causedyou to get more...

Softball is better than baseball because the Seventh Inning Stretch means stand up and go home.