Inscription Jokes / Recent Jokes

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but being the lazy no- goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long.
They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated
Wash. Biol. Surv.
until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
The bands are now marked, "Fish and Wildlife Service".

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife... cold as ever" Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: "Here lies my husband... stiff at last"

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet!
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Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's more...

What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster? HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever."
Later, the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone, on which the inscription read: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."

*** if you try this for real, you may damage your microwave or disk ***

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows XP on my PC. I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows XP CD. To my surprise he threw it into my microwave oven and turned it on. Instantly I got very upset, because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: "Do not worry, it is unharmed."

After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said: "Take a close look at it."

To my surprise the CD was quite cold to hold and it seemed to be heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, an inscription finer than anything I had ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great more...