Inside Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews: Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire." Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough." Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft." Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid." Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal." Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage." Problem: "The autopilot doesn't." Signed off: "IT DOES NOW." Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit." Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." Solution: "Evidence removed." Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." Solution: "Volume set to more believable level." Problem: "Dead bugs on more...

A lady went to a tatoo parlour & asked to get a tatoo of a turkey on the inside of her right thigh & a tatoo of a x'mas tree on hte inside of her left thigh. the tatooist asked why this was so. The lady replied that this way, her lover would have something to eat between thanksgiving and X'mas!

A gangster mob is deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing
their next bank. After several previous successful bank heists, they
all
agree on the way to go about it, and in the wee hours of the following
morning, embark on their plans to get rich yet again.
Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system got
under way immediately. The robbers were expecting one or two huge safes
filled with cash and valuables, but were surprised (and happy) to see
hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.
The first safe's combination was easy to crack. Inside the robbers were
surprised to find only vanilla pudding.
"Well" said one robber to the other, "At least we get a bit to eat."
The second safe also contained nothing but vanilla pudding, and the
process
continued until all the safes were opened and there was not a dollar, a
diamond, nor an more...

How do you fit 30 marwadis in a Maruti 800?
Throw a 100 rupee note inside

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. you open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."

Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers.. . they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.. . "

Merry Christmas! (Truth is stranger than fiction)
Roy Collette and his brother-in-law have been exchanging the same pair of pants as a Christmas present for 11 years - and each time the package gets harder to open. This year the pants came wrapped in a car mashed into a 3-foot cube. The trousers are in the glove compartment of a 1974 Gremlin. Now Collette's plotting his revenge--if he can get them out. It all started when Collette received a pair of moleskin trousers from his brother-in-law, Larry Kunkel of Bensenville, Ill. Kunkel's mother had given her son the britches when he was a college student. He wore them a few times, but they froze stiff in cold weather and he didn't like them. So he gave them to Collette. Collette, who called the moleskins "miserable", wore them three times, then wrapped them up and gave them back to Kunkel for Christmas the next year.

The friendly exchange continued routinely until Collette twisted the pants tightly, stuffed them more...

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curios. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.
Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. more...