Inside Jokes / Recent Jokes
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but he/she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
... saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, more...
A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn’t quite remember the address to the house. ”I’m sure this is the one, ” said the driver. ”Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD. ” Replied one of the others, ”I’ll go knock on the door, and check. If it’s the wrong house, at least I’ll get to a toilet! ”
So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once…. No answer. He rings it again….. Still no answer. So, he thinks, ”This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard. ” So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he’d just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can’t find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened more...
Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. "Ah, will you look at that?" One ditch digger said."What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' suchplaces?"A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door andquietly slipped inside. "Do you believe that?" The workman exclaimed."Why,' tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what withthe example clergymen set for them."After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quicklyentered the whore house. "Ah, what a pity," the digger said, leaningon his shovel. "One of th' poor lasses must be ill."
“Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P) = Problem (S) = Solution
--------------------------–
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
--------------------------–
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
--------------------------–
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
--------------------------–
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
--------------------------–
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
--------------------------–
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set more...
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day.
So the next day at 12: 01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."
"No problem," said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, I couldn't find him! Just as I was about to give up, I more...