Installation Jokes / Recent Jokes

CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
Features:
User Friendly
Low Power CPU
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video and Audio Input
Audio Output
Auto Search Capability for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Auto Learn Program in ROM
Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Wide Operating Temperature Range
Mouse Driven
Self Cleaning
Production Details:
After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found
that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other
applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning
Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.
No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure
or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to
be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0
installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization
where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some
applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no
longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected
(even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0
provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such more...

Are you UP for an UPgrade?
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications.
He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always lauched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and more...

NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of contraceptive'98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive'98 suite consists of three products: Condom'98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package.
The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive'98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive'98 Small Business more...

Solitaire ‘99
Here is the README. TXT file from Microsoft’s latest software product.
Microsoft Solitaire ‘98
README file, v4. 3
Welcome!
Congratulations!
Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire ‘98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as “long filenames! ”
For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.*
Solitaire ‘98 brings this dream to a blissful reality.

System Requirements:
- 266 MHz Pentium II or better
- 800 megabytes of free hard drive more...