Instant Jokes / Recent Jokes
16 Ways of Knowing You’re in the Desert
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You can make instant sun tea.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7: 30 a. m. before work.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, more...
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola? It saves time.
Why do jews stink?
because they are dirty bastards!
Why do jews have big noses?
because air is free!
Why did the jews wander the desert for 40 years before finding the promised land?
because someone lost 50 cents!!!
why do jewish women have dirty pussies?
because they are prostitutes!!
what would you have if you had 1000000 negroes on the moon?
a good start!!
a white woman was fed up of dating white men and said that she wanted to try a negro, so she goes to a bar and finds a negro and takes him home. she gets naked and lies with her legs open and says to him " do what you negroes do best", so he grabs the tv and runs away !!!
why do blondes date negroes?
to get their handbags back!!!
what happens when a naked negro with an erection runs into a brick wall at 100 miles per hour? He breaks his lips!!!
A Negro was walking down the beach one day when he sees an old lamp, he rubs it and out comes a genie, who grants him 2 more...
Santa was one of the four persons who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. The Company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.
Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told them that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one person. He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a final interview the next day, and that he would ask each one of them the same question. Whoever answered the question the best would be the one hired. All applicants agreed that this was fair.
The next day the first applicant was called in.
The president posed the question, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"
He thought for a moment and replied, "That would have to be a thought."
"Why do you say that?" asked the president.
"Well, a thought takes no time at all...it is more...
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather.
The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game *he* was watching was better.
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.