Institution Jokes / Recent Jokes

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
The nurse asks him,"Charlie what are you doing?" And Charlie replies, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, Well Charlie, how you doing?" Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago" Great," replied the nurse.
The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room and finds Bob sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.
With surprise she asks, "Bob what are you doing!" Bob says... "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"

Love, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun. - George Bernard Shaw
One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. - Ruth Smythers, Marriage advice for women, 1894
I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. - Carrie Snow
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman. - Herbert Spencer
Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for more...

Love, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun. - George Bernard ShawOne cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. - Ruth Smythers, Marriage advice for women, 1894I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. - Carrie SnowBy all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man. - SocratesMarriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman. - Herbert SpencerSomeone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by more...

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence-a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

"Ah, yes, divorce., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
- Robin Williams
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
- Mae West
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
- Robin Williams
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot... and suppose you were a member of Congress... but I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence-a life sentence.Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":* The Engagement Ring* The Wedding Ring* The Suffe-Ring* The Endu-Ring

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Montaigne
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West
"I was married by a judge...I should have asked for a jury." - George more...