Instructor Jokes / Recent Jokes

In this particular branch of the Army's officer training school, the instructor
was returning a test. The students identified their work by the last four digits of their Social Security number.
In the early hours of a morning, the instructor was calling the numbers. “Four-seven-seven-zero? ” he asked.
“Here, ” replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the paper, though, he realized he had mistakenly asked for the wrong paper.
“Seven-zero-seven-five? ” asked the instructor.
“Here, ” repeated the student, gearing for trouble.
“I thought you were four-seven-seven-zero, soldier, ” spoke the teacher.
“That's right, sir, ” answered our hero. “I have a nick-number. ”

Mr.
Cikoch was a biology instructor at a snobby suburban
girl's junior college. During class one day he asked
his student, "Miss Simison, would you please
name the organ of the human body, which under the
appropriate conditions, expands to six times its
normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Simison gasped, and then said, "Mr.
Cikoch, I don't think that is a proper question
to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of
this. "With that she sat down red-faced.
Mr. Cikoch then called on Miss Hakar and asked
the same question. Miss Hakar, with composure,
replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Cikoch. "And
now, Miss Simison, I have three things to say to
you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two,
you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some
day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he'd become a mechanic.

So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was to strip the engine completely and reassemble it - obviously back into perfect working order. So our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited the result.

The day he received the results he got quite a surprise, he got 150%! He quickly phoned the instructor and queried the mark.

The instructor said, "No no that's right. First I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine- a very thorough job. Next I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job really, and then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the muffler.

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

Paul was not the brightest guy around. Every day, when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.

Finally, Paul decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route, but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.

He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it.

So, one day, on the way home from work, Paul confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued.

The next afternoon, Paul went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.

His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation.

"Well," explained Paul, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."

His instructor said, "What happened?"

Paul more...

A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group
of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them:
"When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up,
you hook up. When you go out the door, yell' Geronimo!' and
wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, get in the plane."
After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and began
shoving the troops out the door. Just after the last trooper
exited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someone
knocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping
his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked him
in the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out. ”
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir? ”