Instrument Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song. Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards? A: You get your job and your wife back. Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover? A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole. After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible. Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.Q: What's the definition of a gentleman? A: Somone who knows how to play the trombone and doesn't.Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet? A: A trombone will bend before it breaks.Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this? A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig.Orchestral trombonists count so much rest and play so many repeated figures that the sheep story also works.Trombone: a slide whistle with delusions of granduer.
Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the “Cat and Duck Method” of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a great deal of merit by those who have not tried it. No reports have been received from those who did try it, and none are expected. Pilots are invited to assess its merits objectively.
Basic rules for the C&D Method of instrument flight are fairly well known and are extremely simple. Here’s how it’s done:
1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor; because a cat always remains upright. It can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which one.
2. The duck is used for instrument approach and landing. Because of the fact that any sensible duck will refuse more...
A band director named Ravelli was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, and performance simply didn't improve.Finally, before the whole band, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
Q: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What's the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison.Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: Counterpoint.Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer? A: Give him a sheet of music.Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say, "Not bad, but I could've done better".Q: What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig? A: Would you like fries with that? Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond? A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money! Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? A: You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
Why is the French horn a divine instrument? Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can't march.Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost? A: A goalpost that can't march.Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn? A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? A: Have them miss every other note.Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy? A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I more...