Instrument Jokes / Recent Jokes
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down."The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"
Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade. Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door? A: The knocking gets slower. Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door? A: The knocking gets faster. Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad? A: The bass player notices. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in. Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer. Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend? A: Homeless. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. Q: What did the drummer get on his I. Q. test? A: Drool. If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the bassoon recital. Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns longer. Q: What is a burning oboe good for? A: Setting a bassoon on fire. Q: Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon? A: A bassoon; there's more wood! Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation. Q: What are oboes good for? A: Kindling when burning basoons
Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet? A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA! Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks? A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms! Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven. [Indignant nose upturning] Of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand.Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants? A: They've had little use.
Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving.Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don't play.Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: A viola burns longer.Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin? A: It is usually still in the case.Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.Q: Which is smaller, a violin or a viola? A: They are actually the same size, but a violinist's head is so much bigger.Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile? A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen? A: Put it in a viola case.Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers.Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek? A: Because no one will look for them.Q: Why shouldn't violists take up more...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the bassoon recital.Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns longer. Q: What is a burning oboe good for? A: Setting a bassoon on fire. Q: Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon? A: A bassoon; there's more wood! Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.Q: What are oboes good for? A: Kindling when burning basoons