Insurance Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against. .. get this. .. fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued... and won. In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted more...

A woman who recently lost her husband had him cremated and brought his ashes home with her. Picking up his urn, she opened it and spread his ashes out over a table. Tracing her finger through his ashes, she began to talk to him.
"Dear, remember that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
"Sweetheart, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought that with the insurance money."
"And you know that diamond and sapphire necklace you promised me? I bought that too, with the insurance money."
Still tracing her finger through the ashes, she continued, "Darling, remember that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes... "

Punny Biblical Q+A`sQ: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh`s daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

A. Ruth-less.Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?

A. Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.A: David`s Triumph was heard throughout the land.A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson; he brought the house down.Q: Where is the first baseball game in the more...

Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."

There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

Sergeant Frank was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Jack noticed that Frank had almost a hundred percent record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Frank's sales pitch.
Frank explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your nominee. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."
"Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle first?"

Once ther was an insurance saleman from the city going out to the farm community to sell insurance to the farmers. He was way out in the country when he had engine trouble. Not knowing anything about cars he gets out and looks under the hood anyway.
All of a sudden he hears a voice that says " Its the carborator "
The insurance man jumps, and looks around, seeing no one . He then looks under the hood again hoping it is something visible that he could fix himself, when he hears the voice again " Its the carborator "
The man jumps again and turns around only seeing a large Brahma bull behind him. Scared out of his wits he takes off running to the nearest farm house he can see.
He knocks on the door, the farmer answers, the man immediately goes into his speal about the bull.
The farmer scratches his head and says " Does he have one straight ear and one floppy ear? "
The man nods "Yes, Yes ".
The farmer laughs and says more...

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer.
“Look at it this way, ” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die? ”
“Well. . . ” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive. ”