Insurance Jokes / Recent Jokes
The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
"That's hard to believe. No accidents at all?"
"Well, rattler bit me one time."
"Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Hell no. Damned varmint bit me on purpose."
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits. He also sold them their optional GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales. This had never happened before.
Rather than ask, the Captain did a "random walk" and stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. It went something like this:
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.
If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6,000."
"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.... and won! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable "fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and more...
There was a man who bught a cigar. He went to his lawyer to have it insured against fire damage. The insurance company was outraged, so they took him to court, but the man won. So they insured the cigar against fire damage. A few days later, the man lit the cigar and smoked it. When he went to collect the insurance money, because the cigar had, of course, burnt down, they insurance company took him to court again. They won and had him sued, for arson.
An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. “Suppose your husband were to die, ” he said, “what would you get? ” The housewife thought for a while, and then said, “Oh, a parrot, I think. Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet. ”
A friend of mine had no life insurance, but he did have plenty of fire insurance. His widow, practical woman that she was, had him cremated.
Yet another friend was just the opposite. He almost busted the family budget with his many life insurance policies. In fact, every time he left the house, his wife would stand in the door, wave, and say, "Take chances!"
My insurance company reduced my rates again for not having any vehicle accidents. As my agent presented the award, he wanted to know the secret of driving for so many years accident free. I told him, "Easy, I read a long time ago that 4 out of every 10 accidents are alcohol related. I always drink before I drive to have the odds in my favor."
Damn fool wanted to cancel my policy on the spot.
One of the benefits allowed Maryland State Highway employees when they retire is group life insurance.
I signed up for the maximum. Now, if I die in a group, Mrs JimJr will be one rich lil' more...
Three Agents Of An Insurance Company Were Discussing There Companies Performance.
First Agent: Our Client Died On Monday, We Came To Know On Tuesday And Released His Insurance On Wednesday.
Second Agent: Our Client Died On Monday We Came To Know On The Same Day And We Released His Insurance On Tuesday.
Third Agent: Our Office Is On The 20th Floor Of Wtc, Our Client Was Painting The Building On The 84th Floor He Fell From There And We Gave His Insurance Cheque While He Passed Our Floor.