Intellectual Jokes / Recent Jokes

First, these basics

Knowledge is Power
Time is Money and as every engineer knows,
Power is Work over Time.

So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:

K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)

Now, do a few simple substitutions:

Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4)

Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

K = W/M (5).

Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:

Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:

1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.

Solving for Money, we get:

M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.

From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.

What THIS MEANS more...

Q: How do you get two piccolos to play a perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.

Q: What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe..

Q: What do you call an oboist who is deaf?
A: Principal.

Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he gyrates so much he'll fall off the ladder.

Q: What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What do a clarinet and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

Q: What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?
A: You can tune the lawnmower.

Q: If you were lost in the woods, who more...

As an investigator for the Fantasy Beings' Fair Housing Commission, Ferdinand Feghoot was assigned to look into complaints that the town of Donnybrook was systematically excluding the fictive.

The Mayor of Donnybrook was indignant.' That's nonsense!' he fumed.' Why, we have several families of Hobbits living here, the principal of our high school is an Elf, and one of our aldermen is an Orc.'

Feghoot shook his head sadly.' That,' he replied,' is only. . . Tolkien integration.'

(By Alan Follett based on a character by Richard Bretner)

Goebel's Law Of Intellectual Obscurity: What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand?

In a recent readers' contest, The Washington Post asked contestants to take any hyphenated heading at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a definition for the compound word they formed. Some of our favorite entries:

Advertising-Air: Touting a product when you already have a monopoly with no alternatives. "Seeing ads for U.S. postage stamps is like advertising-air."

Alcohol-Apartments: Universities used to call these "dormitories."

Artificial-Asphalt: Polenta.

Balancing-Balloons: Silicone implants on just one side to "even things up."

Banquet-Beauty: A euphemism for a plus-size woman.

Child-Duct: An FCC-acceptable euphemism for part of the female anatomy.

Chiropractors-Christmas: A forecast of freezing rain and heavy, wet snow.

Curtain-Dancing: What burlesque queens resort to when they've lost the figure for fan-dancing.

Demolition-Dentists: more...

Was Pandora blonde or brunette?

A: Brunette. The blonde they gave the box to couldn't get it opened.