International Jokes / Recent Jokes
While working as a volunteer at our local Boy Scout Council office, one of the professional staff -- who was wearing street clothes instead of her usual uniform -- was talking about the International Phonetic Alphabet.
She said that she had learned it some years ago and proceeded to recite it. "Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta..."
But, when she got to the letter "U," she stumbled and asked for help.
I offered a hint: "What *aren't* you wearing today?"
"Underwear?" she replied
International Travellers Bloopers1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat.2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???).9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: no ice cream.10. On the menu of a Swiss more...
In the middle of an international gynecology conference, an English and a French gynecologist are discussing various cases they have recently treated.
The French gynecologist said, "Only last week, zer was a woman ooh came to see me, and 'er cleetoris - eet was like a melon."
The English gynecologist replied, "Don't be absurd. It couldn't have been that big. My goodness, man. She wouldn't have been able to walk if it was."
The French gynecologist said, "Aaah, you eenglish, zare you go again, always talkeeng about ze size. I was talkeeng about ze flavor."
Actual statements from Hizzoner Mayor Marion Barry of Washington, DC.
"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
"Bitch set me up."
"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
"People more...
The International Pole Dancing Fitness Association has petitioned the International Olympic Committee as they want to see pole dancing become an Olympic sport. I can see the judges scoring system--- ONES, FIVES and TENS.