International Jokes / Recent Jokes

"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of incrementweather."

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."

"Bitch set me up."

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."

"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"

"People have criticized me more...

Acronyms for International Airlines
Italy
ALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In Arrival
ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia
Britain
BOAC = Better on a camel Belgium
SABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
Pakistan
PIA = Please, Inform Allah
Yugoslavia
JAT = Joke About Time
Pacific Western Airlines
PWA = Pray While Aloft
PWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines
Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.

Acronyms for International Airlines
Italy
ALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In Arrival
ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia
--------------------------–
Britain
BOAC = Better on a camel
--------------------------–
Belgium
SABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
--------------------------–
Pakistan
PIA = Please, Inform Allah
--------------------------–
Yugoslavia
JAT = Joke About Time
--------------------------–
Pacific Western Airlines
PWA = Pray While Aloft
PWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines
--------------------------–
Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the mainland China coast, a 60s era American-built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner with 24 US Navy passengers/observers aboard chewed up one of China's best state-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft. The Americans utilizing the infrequently seen combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on auto pilot, engaged the unfortunate single seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of its four formidable rotating air mass propeller weapons system.After the action, the crew and passengers/observers dropped in on China's Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese government. Reprinted more...

PASSENGER from Bombay on a visit to Singapore picked up uncomplimentary acronyms on the subcontinent's two major international carriers: Pakistan International Airways and Air-India.
P. I. A.: Please inform Allah.
A. I.: Already informed.

Ever since he first saw James Bond take off in "Thunderball", it has been Troy Widgery's dream to build a "spectacular flying machine".

Apparently, he has succeeded. When asked about the technology that enables this method of human flight, Troy replied "It's basically what it looks like. Two giant upside-down Coca-Cola bottles shaken vigorously and then opened."

Desiring faster, higher and longer flights, Troy's company, Jet Pack International, have completed successful trials by using Diet Coke and adding multiple Menthos.
click here for Jet Pack International's website

International Travellers Bloopers
1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat.
2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???).
9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: more...