Invited Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your more...

A couple of weeks before being sworn in, George W. Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said," when I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the president had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner, God told them, "I invited you to dinner because I needed three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the Earth!"
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I have two really bad announcements to make. First, God really does exist, and second, tomorrow He will destroy the Earth."
Clinton called an emergency session of Congress and told them, " I have good news and bad news. The good news is that God does exist, and the bad news is that he will destroy the Earth tomorrow."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft headquarters and told his people, "I have two fantastic announcements! First, I am one of the three most important people on Earth, and second, the Year 2000 problem has been solved!"

NASA had sent many shuttles to orbit the earth and attempted to include passengers of all races, colour and creed.
One day, they realised they hadn't invited anyone from the clergy so they invited a priest and a rabbi to orbit the earth.
Upon their return, they were asked to go straight to the Media room to give the world their impressions of the experience.
The priest came into the room with a smile on his face. His statement was full of joy. He said, "It was totally amazing. I saw the sun rise and set. I saw the beautiful oceans. I'm truly in awe."
But the rabbi came into the room completely dishevelled. His beard was tangled, his kippot was askew and his tallis was creased. The reporters asked him whether he enjoyed the experience.
He threw his hands in the air and said, "Enjoy? Oy vay, you must be joking. How could I find time to enjoy? Every few minutes the sun was rising and setting! So it was on with the tefillin, off with the tefillin, more...

Once there was a Naval Exercise and show in Tricomalee and all the VIPs were
invited to see it. Being the caretaker of the Tooth, our man, U. Ravana also was
invited.
Among the visitors was a Chinese guy walking in crutches. U. Ravana happened
to be in that group where this Chinese guy was. They were talking to each other,
introducing themselves.

While speaking to the others the Chinese guy said, "Eh.. Ah I am limPing all the
way from China Bay", stressing on' P'. To this U. Ravana said, shaking the hand
of the Chinese guy, "Oh, I am U. Ravana, all the way from Kandy".

The young man had invited his fiancee to meet his parents over cocktails at the Plaza. After his family had departed, the girl wanted to know whether she had made the proper impression on them.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, dearest," the fellow said, "but while you were in the ladies' room, my mother told me that she considered you rather uncouth."
"Did you tell them that I attended Bennington and Mt. Holyoke?" she asked in surprise.
"Yes, dearest."
"Did you remind them that my family enjoys a particularly high standing in Bar Harbor?"
"Yes, I did."
"And I hope you told them of my considerable interest in the arts."
"Of course," said the young man.
"Then what's this' uncouth' crap all about?" she asked.

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner He told the three mortals:

"I invited you here because I need three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."

After dinner, Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I have bad news and worse news for you:

i. God really exists, and

ii. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."

Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them, "I have Good news and Bad News:

i. The good news is: God really does exist.

ii. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced, "I have two fantastic announcements:

i. I am one of the three most important people on earth.

ii. The Year 2000 problem is solved."