Ireland Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia.His mate asked him what it was like."Australia's a great place!" Paddy replied. "First they take you homeand fill you so full of piss you can't stand up. Then, to top it off, theylet you fuck their women whenever you want.""Is that right?" said his mate very impressed. "I always heard Australianswere real pricks.""Well," said Paddy, "Only the white ones!"

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in' 62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in' 62, too!" About that time in comes more...

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course, ” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from? ”
“I’m from Ireland, ” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland. ”
“Of course, ” replies the second man.
I’m curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from? ”
“Dublin, ” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it, ” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin. ”
“Of course, ” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to? ”
“Saint Mary’s, ” replies the second man, “I graduated in ‘62. ”
“This is unbelievable! ”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ‘62, too! ”
About that more...

Three jokes all related to the recent Clinton visit to Ireland.

Joke 1
On his recent trip to Dublin, Bill Clinton walked down Moor Street. For those of you that don't know Dublin, Moor Street has a large population of street fruit sellers.
Bill goes up to one of these fruitsellers and asks for a dozen oranges. He is given his bag of oranges, pays his money and walks off.
A liitle way down the road he looks in the bag and discovers he only has 11. He goes back to remonstrate: Bill: "How many Oranges do I get in a dozen in Ireland?"
Street Seller: "12 sir"
Bill: "But I've only got 11!"
Street Seller: "That's right, one was bad so I threw it away for you!"

Joke 2
Prior to Bill's visit to Ireland the CIA and Secret Service wanted to ensure everything was perfectly safe, so they trained a special agent in every known dialect of Irish Gaelic, and sent him on a short tour of the country.
He more...

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.""We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone.""Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune.""And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed."No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

Three leprechans die and go to heaven.
The first one asks god "Are there any midget nuns in Ireland?" God said "No son, there are no midget nuns in Ireland" The second leprechan starts to giggle and the third one hushes him.
The first one asks god again " Are there any midget nuns in all of Europe?" God said "No son, there are no midget nuns in all of Europe" The second one laughs louder and the third one hushes him again.
So the first one asks "Are there any midget nuns in the whole world?" God replied "No son, there are no miget nuns in all of the world."
So this time the third one cracks up and the second one says "See, i told you, you fucked a penguin!"

Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia. His mate asked him what it was like." Australia's a great place!" Paddy replied. "First they take you homeand fill you so full of piss you can't stand up. Then, to top it off, theylet you fuck their women whenever you want." "Is that right?" said his mate very impressed. "I always heard Australianswere real pricks." "Well," said Paddy, "Only the white ones!"