Irish Jokes / Recent Jokes

We pick on everyone!
How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital? He's the one blowing the foam off of his bedpan. ===========================
Why don't Italians have acne? It slides off. ==========================
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a black baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong! ==========================
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses behind? A Mechanic. =========================
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A Speech Impediment! =========================
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring. =========================
Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future either. =========================
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo!" ========================
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A more...

Mother Superior at the Convent of St Agnes got all of the nuns together for a little meeting, for something had come up. She said, "Sisters, we`ve discovered a case of syphilis in the house!" Whereupon little sister Mary Catherine clasped her hands together and fell to her knees and exclaimed, "Oh, thank the Lord! We`ve all been getting so tired of Chardonnay!"

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries.
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.
Pekinese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog.
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle.
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists everywhere.
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors.
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, a dog that....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway.
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work.
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.
Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu = Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed.

Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100, 000. 00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, "Where are we now?" The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's a big place," said Murphy. The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for it!"

There was an english man an irish man and a jewish man and they all decided to go in a helicopter. While they were up in the sky the english man threw a dagger out of the door, the irish man threw a sword out of the door and the jewish man threw a bomb out of the door. When they landed the english man went home and found his dad sitting on the floor crying so he said "whats up dad?" and his dad said "a dagger has just fell from the sky and stabbed your mum."
Then the irish man went home and found his sister sitting on the floor crying so he said "whats up sis?" so she told him "a sword fell from the sky and stabbed mum and dad." Then the Jewish man went home and found his dad lying on the couch crying with laughter so he said "whats so funny pop?" so his dad replied " i've just farted an next doors house blew up!"

What's Irish diplomacy?
The ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he'll look forward to making the trip.

A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."