Issue Jokes / Recent Jokes

In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story: It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the

I have two sons who are at opposite poles on the military issue. Rick thinks the military exists "only to kill people" and says so at every chance he gets.

Mike thinks the military is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and plans to make it his career. Needless to say, when they get together, sparks fly.

A recent interchange went something like this:

Rick: "`Military intelligence` is a contradiction in terms."

Mike: "No more than `civilian worker`."

The Direct Approach Description: You just say it. Examples - 1. "I got my period today." (The simple version) 2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version) 3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version) Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place or eating dinner. More amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents in a public place. Cautions: May freak out some men, if you're unsure about the nature of the relationship you're in but would rather not find out at this stage - go for an alternative approach. Sometimes best to keep until the last minute, like when he can't tell you to go home. Will give away the fact that you regard it as an issue (that is, if you regard it as an issue) more...

This was just posted to the newsgroup "alt.config" and most of the alt.sex newsgroups to propose creation of a new group "alt.sex.oral". I think you might find it interesting.
Paul Robinson
"The Greatest Philosopher in the World, maybe the Greatest who ever lived."
There has been some questioning as to why there isn't an "alt.sex.oral" newsgroup since almost every other sexually related practice has one of its own.
There is quite a bit of interest in this subject, as it has gotten a lot of tongues wagging about it.
It is a subject of very hot debate, and considerable jawing and movement of mouths.
It has been known to raise a significant response in men, and a smaller response in women. Perhaps women are more "open" to this subject.
It is a subject of considerable interest from many angles, as much as 21 (degrees) reduced from 90.
It is often enjoyed by more than one person, as some people find that the more...

Q: How many congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five hundred and thirty-five, but only if the following conditions are met: The light bulb will not be changed in an election year. A committee will study the light-bulb situation for at least a year. Taxes will have to be raised. A fair and proportionate number of the light-bulb changers will be from minority groups. No Social Security funds will be used to change the bulb. Each state and congressional district will share in the benefits of changing the light bulb. The blame for the failure of the present bulb will be assigned to the other party. The new bulb will be twice as bright as the old bulb. Because the new bulb is twice as bright as the old bulb, it will cost 130 times as much. A Blue Ribbon Panel will investigate the light-bulb failures and issue a mega-page report to the congress. A fact-finding trip to all countries known to produce light bulbs will be made by most congressmen and their wives. The CIA more...

Here are some incredibly useful phrases you can use when in the workplace...
If you don't know what it is, call it an 'issue'...
If you don't know how it works, call it a 'process'...
If you don't know whether its worth doing, call it an 'option'...
If you don't know how it could possibly be done call it a 'challenge' or an 'exciting opportunity'...
If you want to confuse people, ask them about 'customers'...
If you don't know how to do something, 'empower' someone else to do it for you...
If you can't take decisions, 'create space' for others to operate...
If you need a decision, call a 'workshop' to 'network' and 'ground
the issue', followed by an 'awayday' to 'position the elephant in the room' and achieve 'buy-in'...
Never criticize or boast, call it 'information sharing'...
Never call something a failure or mistake, its a 'positive learning experience'...
Never argue, have an 'adult conversation'...
Here are some helpful ways to more...

Now that Bill Gates has moved into his brand spanking new house in the Seattle suburbs, the following is a conversation overheard last week:Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated."Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date."Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use Stacker."Bill: "Stacker?"Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some more...