Issues Jokes / Recent Jokes
Planned Parenthood Issues Christmas Gift Certificates
Press release: "Looking for an unusual, yet practical gift this holiday season? Planned Parenthood of Indiana (PPIN) is now offering gift certificates for services or the recipient's choice of birth control method. The gift certificates are also a wonderful idea for that person in your life who puts everyone else first."
Except for that baby, of course.
So this holiday season, give the gift of death. After all, no time of year is too cheery to get some killing done. One wonders if Dr. Kevorkian is running any specials.
I have a lot of issues with sex... mostly Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler.
A fathers rules to dating;
Rule One - If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two - You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three - I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and more...
Along with banning such dangerous items like shampoo and lipstick, the TSA will also be looking for people with susp*cious behavior as well. Not only will you not be allowed to bring your carry-on baggage, but your emotional baggage as well.
It's even prompted a whole new set of questions for potential passengers:
"Do you have any unresolved issues?"
"Have your issues been in your possesion the entire time?"
"Has anyone asked you carry their issues for them?"
Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?" Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems." Banta asked, "Can you explain?" Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other`s decisions." Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it" Banta asked, "Then what is your role?" Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African more...