Italian Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life.Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!

Q. How can u tell when an Italian plane lands at the airport?
A. It's the one with the hair under its wings!

Why wasn't Jesus born in Italy?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

(must be read with an Italian or other foreign accent)
One day ima gonna America to bigga hotel.
Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch.
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to more...

I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
and pear trees.

So, I was wrong.

Sue me.

I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
on Christmas Eve."

"Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
looking forward to meeting all of you."

"Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
What more...

A foreman at a construction site gathers three of his workers: an Irishman, an Italian and a Chinese.
He says to the Irishman, "you're in charge of Sweeping, I want this whole area swept up before I get back".
He says to the Italian, "You're in charge of shoveling. I want that pile shoveled into the truck so they can haul it away."
He says to the Chinaman, "You're in charge of supplies. No make sure that all gets done before I get back."
Three hours later, he returns and none of the work is done. The Irishman says, "I couldnt find a broom. You left the Chinaman in charge of supplies and he disappeared." The Italian says "And I couldn't find a shovel".
So the forman starts walking and looking for the chinaman. Just then, the Chinaman jumps out from behind a pillar and screams "SUPPLIES!!"

...are talking about their daughters.
The Italian guy says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a pack of cigarettes. And I didn't even know she smoked."
The Jewish guy says, "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a full bottle of Vodka. And I didn't even know she drank."
The Polish guy says, "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a box of condoms. And I didn't even know she had a penis."