Italian Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are three guys who are good friends. One is an American, one
is Polish, and one is Italian.
They are driving together one day when they get into a car accident. They all die and float up towards the gates of Heaven.
When they get there, an angel who tells them they are all on the border of Heaven and Hell. As a result, they have the choice to either ask a question of the angel or be asked a question. If they answer correctly, or if the angel answers incorrectly on their question, they will pass into Heaven.
The Italian guy goes first. He tells the angel to ask him a question. The angel says, "How many grains of sand are there in the world?" The Italian guy says, "Um, four trillion?" and falls straight to Hell.
The polish guy goes next and wants the angel toe ask a question. The angel says, "How many drops of water are there in all of the world's oceans?" He says, "Uh, ninety-eight billion?" and also falls straight to more...

There are three guys who are good friends. One is an American, oneis Polish, and one is Italian.They are driving together one day when they get into a car accident. They all die and float up towards the gates of Heaven. When they get there, an angel who tells them they are all on the border of Heaven and Hell. As a result, they have the choice to either ask a question of the angel or be asked a question. If they answer correctly, or if the angel answers incorrectly on their question, they will pass into Heaven. The Italian guy goes first. He tells the angel to ask him a question. The angel says, "How many grains of sand are there in the world?" The Italian guy says, "Um, four trillion?" and falls straight to Hell. The polish guy goes next and wants the angel toe ask a question. The angel says, "How many drops of water are there in all of the world's oceans?" He says, "Uh, ninety-eight billion?" and also falls straight to Hell. Finally, it's the more...

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian.
When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

There are three guys, an Italian, a Frenchman and a Texan. They are all discussing what they do to get their women hot.
The Italian says, "First I light a candle and drip hot liquid wax all over her body, then I follow with a tender nibbling at each spot of wax until they're all gone. Then she's hot!"
When the Frenchman was queried he replies, "First I take a bouquet of roses and I pull all the petals off and sprinkle them all over her body. Then I go all over her blowing them off, one at a time. When I'm through, she's really hot!"
The previous two gents now ask the Texan what he did to get his woman hot. He replied, "Well I don't do anything that exotic! What I do is, I pick her up and throw her on the bed, grab her by the ankles and fuck the shit out of her. When I'm done, I wipe my dick on her new curtains. Man, does she get hot!"

An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian
produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees
to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to more...

A woman goes to Italy to attend a two week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip.
The wife answers, "Thank you hon, what would like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says, "An Italian girl."
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks, "So, hon, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you."
"And what happened to my present?"
"What present?" she asked
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!"
"Oh, that," she said.
"Well, I did what I could, now we'll have to wait for nine months to see if it's a girl!"

A woman goes to Italy to attend a two week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says, "An Italian girl!!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how the trip was?"
"Very good, thank you."
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!" "Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl!!!"