Itself Jokes / Recent Jokes
Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've beenhaving some problems lately. I've been running the same version ofDrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all theGirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hearthat DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background modeand the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't findthe switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and itworks okay.Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Fishing 97program, often trying to abort Fishing 97 with some sort of timingincompatibility. I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, butI thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. Aftermonths of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has hadexperience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enoughcache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a more...
AT&T Virus
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T
virus.
Paul Revere Virus
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending
hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
Politically-Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic
microorganism."
Right To Life Virus
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you
attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about
possible alternatives.
Ross Perot Virus
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing
quits.
Mario Cuomo Virus
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Ted Turner Virus
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates your more...
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
"This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time. --or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
"Let me more...
> MICROSOFT TV DINNER PRODUCT INSERT
>
> You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to
> accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give
> anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
> infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others
> smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good
> > it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the
> oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
> mstv. dinn.//08. 5min@50%heat//
>
> Then enter
ms//start. cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
>
> If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven
> will set itself and cook the dinner.
>
> Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
> oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the
> dinner
> from the oven and more...
BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk, then reattaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled. OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 MB,and then slowly expands back to 200 MB. AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus. PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack --- once if by LAN, twice if by C:>. POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives. ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits. MARIO CUOMO more...
This thing I've seen from a guy from MIT. Enjoy!
PAUL REVERE VIRUS:
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack-once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS:
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS:
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS:
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
THE MCI VIRUS:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're more...