Jenny Jokes / Recent Jokes

I just heard that Monica is going to advertise for Jenny Craig. I can hardly wait for the ads, where I can only assume that she is going to tell everyone that the secret to losing weight is not swallowing.

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Monica Lewinsky lost 31 pounds on the Jenny Craig weight program, for which she is now a spokeswoman.

The Starr report and its appendixes weighed 12 pounds.

Which would you rather have lost?

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word' indefinitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class.
But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.
Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely."
"Good" the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?"
Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation has been stopped indefinitely."
The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the teacher thinks... (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says,
"As I felt my balls slap against her ass, I knew that I was in definitely!

Johnson: Jenny i love you and i want to marry you.
Jenny: Johnson you are one year younger to me.
Johnson: No problem Jenny i will marry you next year.

The story takes place in a Christian school. The teacher asks the question, "What part of your body gets to heaven first?"
Three students raise their hand, Jenny, Jim, and little Johnny in the back. The teacher thinks to herself, "I dont want to call on Johnny cause he will say something bad."
So she picks on Jenny first who says, "I think your head gets to heaven first cause you have to be smart."
The teacher then calls on Jim who says, "I think your heart gets to heaven first cause you gotta have a good heart."
Finally Johnny is the only one with his hand up. The teacher says to herself "Oh no, I gotta pick Johnny." She picks him and he says, "I think your feet get to heaven first."
The relieved teacher asks him, "Why on earth do you think your feet get to heaven first?"
Johnny says, "Cause I walked into my Mom and Dad's room last night and my mom's feet were straight up in the air and more...

The story takes place in a Christian school. The teacher asks the question, "What part of your body gets to heaven first?"Three students raise their hand, Jenny, Jim, and little Johnny in the back. The teacher thinks to herself, "I dont want to call on Johnny cause he will say something bad."So she picks on Jenny first who says, "I think your head gets to heaven first cause you have to be smart."The teacher then calls on Jim who says, "I think your heart gets to heaven first cause you gotta have a good heart."Finally Johnny is the only one with his hand up. The teacher says to herself "Oh no, I gotta pick Johnny." She picks him and he says, "I think your feet get to heaven first."The relieved teacher asks him, "Why on earth do you think your feet get to heaven first?"Johnny says, "Cause I walked into my Mom and Dad's room last night and my mom's feet were straight up in the air and she was shouting 'Oh God I'm more...

A husband with a computer addictionMy Dear Husband,

I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.

Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.

I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more more...

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance. . Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week That's about 60 bucks a Month and that should do more...