Jerry Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top ten names for Ben & Jerry's new presidential ice cream:
1. Impeach-Mint
2 Candy Pants
3. Hyperactive Nuts
4. Chilly Hillbilly Vanilly
5. Pantsachio
6. Subpoena Colada
7. Horny Bubba Crunch
8. Peppermint Fattie
9. Captain Cream
10. Draft-Dodging-Pot-Smoking-Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has
hunted all his life.
When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to
sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a
blood-curdling scream.
He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be
quiet!"
Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled
over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down
my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled
up my pants leg and said,' Should we take them with us or eat them
here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe hashunted all his life.When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry tosit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears ablood-curdling scream.He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to bequiet!"Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawledover me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing downmy neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawledup my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat themhere?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
One day, Jerry Aught, who liked to get drunk, did just that. When he got home, his wife, Sherry Aught, would get mad. One day, Sherry said,"If you come home drunk again, I will hit you on the head with this frying pan".
The next day, Jerry came home drunk again.As he lay on the doormat,Sherry came out with the frying pan. Jerry started to sing: "swing low, sweet Sherry Aught, coming to carry me home..."
Six-year-old Jerry came downstairs bellowing lustily. "What's the matter?" asked his mother. "Papa was hanging pictures, and he just
hit his thumb with a hammer," said Jerry. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "A big man like you shouldn't cry at a trifle like that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did," sobbed Jerry.
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!" Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said,' Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice. I'll have the same thing he's having."