Jet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"

The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."

There were 4 guys sitting in a bar. One of them decided to play a little game about what each of them thought was the fastest thing in the world.

Well the first guy says, "I think a Concord Jet is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of sound."

Well the second guy says, "Well I think I got you beat on that one! I think lightning is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of light and sound."

Well the third guy says, "Well I believe i have both of you beat. The brain is the fastest thing in the world, because whenever you need something, it is right there for you."

Well the fourth guys clearly states, "Well I have got you all beat! I think the anal sphincter muscle is the fastest thing in the world."

The other three guys say really? Why's that?

And the fourth guys says, "Well I was on a Concord Jet, it got more...

The dangers of friendly greetings
A friendly greeting caused a major airport security alert when a man called "Hi, Jack" to a colleague on board an aircraft.
A SWAT team and dozens of police reinforcements were called to the Oakland International Airport near Detroit in the US.
Lt. Rick Crigger said, "There was a guy on the plane named Jack, and someone walked in and said,' Hi Jack'. The mike just happened to be open and the tower heard it."
Thinking someone was hijacking the corporate jet, the FBI as well as police were called to prepare for a hostage situation. Air traffic controllers ordered the plane to return to the tower but, after a quick check on the identity of the pilot, the jet was cleared for take off.

35 People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet headingover the Pacific Ocean, Suddenly, a Message is announced,"Ladies and Gentlemen Engine #2 has Died, We will be 30 mins late""Damn!" Said the Irishman, 10 mins later, "I`m sorry people Engine #3 has died, We`ll be 1 hour late"20 mins later,"Every one, engine # 4 has died, sorry, We`ll be 2 hours late"Suddenly the Irish man speaks out,"Bloody hell, If the last engine goes we`ll be stuck up hereall day!!"

There were 4 guys sitting in a bar. One of them decided to play a little game about what each of them thought was the fastest thing in the world. Well the first guy says, "I think a Concord Jet is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of sound." Well the second guy says, "Well I think I got you beat on that one! I think lightning is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of light and sound." Well the third guy says, "Well I believe i have both of you beat. The brain is the fastest thing in the world, because whenever you need something, it is right there for you." Well the fourth guys clearly states, "Well I have got you all beat! I think the anal sphincter muscle is the fastest thing in the world." The other three guys say really? Why's that? And the fourth guys says, "Well I was on a Concord Jet, it got struck by lightning, and I didn't know what to do. .. so I shit my more...

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y''know, I''ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It''s Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don''t have a hangover?" Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often." "Yeah, well there''s just one thing..." "What''s more...

You don't know what "Wushu" means When someone ask you what style you do you say:"kungfu" You don't do qi gong everyday You don't know Tajiquan is the most feared style in china You mixed Wushu moves you saw in Jet Li movies with your karate forms You go to some fake Shaolin school Your teacher claims to master at least 700 forms You don't train everyday You break dance You like Jet Li but do tae kwon do You think Wushu is a dance You don't know Taiji can kill people You rarely train, you listen to hip hop, and you like Wu Tang Clan You collect Jet Li movies and manga stuff You proudly wear cotton Chinese martial arts uniform with white buttons You teach karate.... and also Taiji You use the word Shaolin more than once a year You own a katana you bought in Chinatown and your proud of it You go to Asian parties You think your a good martial artist You read books about Buddhism too You went to a Zen meditation class once and never went back You think you don't need more...