Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P. E. today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from P. E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Ray Friday more...

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"Jane says "No.""Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor."No." says Jimmy's mom.The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?"Again Jane says "No.""Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor."No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?"To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."

Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more, mom. It's empty.

One time little jimmy's dad walked into little jimmy's room and said jimmy don't jackoff you'll go blind.
(little jimmy)-dad i'm over here in the living room....

A very large, old building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police. When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright.
They said "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found.
They called the police station and said, "We're the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it really was Jimmy Hoffa."
The cop said, " Well, it wasn't Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The more...

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police. When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important." Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important." The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important." "Well, who was it?" "The 1956 Blonde National more...

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important".
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said: "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important".
The police said "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important".
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 more...