Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.
- Jimmy Carter
Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe!
- Gary Hart
My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
- Hugh Grant
Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Bitch done set us up!
- Mayor Marion Berry
Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for more...

Country legend and sultan of sausage Jimmy Dean and his wife, Donna, narrowly escaped a fire Monday that swept through their Virginia home. The couple were awoken by a neighbor who saw smoke billowing from the couples house. The neighbor stated he knew the smoke was from the Deans home because it smelled like regular, maple, and hot & spicy.

It's career day at school and the teacher instructs his students each to stand up, state their parents occupation, spell it and then tell what their parent would do if they were here today.
Little Rodney stands up and says, "My father is an accountant, A-C-C-O-U-N-T-A-N-T, and if he were here today, he would help you balance your checkbook".
"Good Rodney" says the teacher, "how about you, Jimmy?'"
Jimmy stands up and stammers, "My father is an electrician, E-L-E-K-T, no, no, E-L-E-C-K-T no... L-E-C-K-... no..."
The teacher interrupts, "Never mind Jimmy, sit down, how about you Johnny?"
Johnny stands up and says, "My dad's a bookie, that's B-O-O-K-I-E, and if he were here today he'd give you ten to one odds that there's no way Jimmy's ever gonna spell electrician!"

Two small boys were overheard talking one day.
"My name is Jimmy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Johnnie," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy.
Johnnie replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Jimmy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Johnnie.

Jimmy's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Jimmy handed in a poor paper."This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes.""One person didn't," replied Little Jimmy defensively. "My father helped me."

Teacher: Right Jimmy, imagine that i gave you 10p and then you asked your dad for another 10p how much would you have?
Jimmy:10p sir
Teacher:No no no do you know maths boy?
Jimmy:No sir you dint know my dad!!
dan busby

A teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they
celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?"

Patrick addressed the class "Me and my twelve brothers and sister
go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very
late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our
stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys."

"Very nice, Patrick," she said. "Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do
at Christmas?"

"Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad, and we sing
carols. When we get home, we put cookies and milk by the chimney
and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus
to bring our presents."

"That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said.

Realizing that there was a Jewish boy more...