Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes

If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about it?

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on!
So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."
Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"
His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on! So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."

Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.
-- Jimmy Carter Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe!
-- Gary Hart My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
-- Hugh Grant Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Bitch done set us up!
-- Mayor Marion Berry Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for the more...

Why do the Gorillas like Jimmy Carter? They dont really know - but theyre NUTS about him!

Jimmy:' Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.'
Mike:' To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'
Jimmy:' What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'
Mike:' Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'
Jimmy:' Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'
Mike:' That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me
crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?'

Morris calls his son in NY and says, "Jimmy, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to
discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know.
I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing mother."
The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. "I don't want to get into it. My
mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mom just like that after 54 years together. What
happened?"
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should
know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It
will spare me the pain."
"But where's Mom? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't
been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and more...