Jimmy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jimmy Carter and his wife just had their bicycles stolen while vacationing in Florida. It is speculated the thieves were members of the Olympic triathalon squad in 1980.

Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six young boys, all of whom she named' Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked, Why did you name all of these boys' Jimmy'? The blonde said, so I can keep track of' em. The aunt gave her a wild look. So you can keep track of' em? How the heck can you do that when they're all named' Jimmy'? The blonde looked at her aunt, shrugged and said, "No problem, I just call them by their last names!"

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country: 1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33. 4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. 5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. 9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) more...

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on! So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do." Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?" His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:
1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11) Please excuse Pedro from more...

"One day the time will come for a black Bond and hopefully I can audition for it," U.S. rapper and entrepreneur Sean "Diddy" Combs said on the sidelines of the MTV Europe Music Awards late on Thursday.
“I think there’s going to be some big changes,” says Diddy. “You see, right now he’s James Bond. But I’d like to see him loosen up and have people call him Jimmy Bond.”
“Then a couple years down the line maybe they can go with Jimmy B, or J-Bond. Or maybe they could replace that ‘D’ with an ‘E’ and call him J-Bone. Basically, I want the part when they get around to calling him B-uh. Just a ‘B’ with an ‘uh’ on the end. That’s my flavor.”

Jimmy's mom dragged him in front of his dad during the football game. "Talk to your son," she said. "He refuses to obey a word I say." The father turned to Jimmy angrily. "Jimmy, how dare you disobey your mother. Do you think you're better than your old man?"