Joe Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little girl brings treats for the class on her 8 year old birthday. The teacher turns to the little girl and asks "So Kelly what do you want for your birthday this year? The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G. I. Joe." the teacher looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G. I. Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."
Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.
"They should not put up such misleading notices", said Joe. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong."Ill never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted.""Wow! Thats quite some gift" said the bartender. "So why are you so dejected?""Well I thought about it for a while" said Joe, "and decided to send her home to her mother, and now she wont even speak to me!"
Barbie's Letter To Santa:
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME!
There had better be some change around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1999, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap more...
Billy, Bobby and Joe had a spree in the fruit orchard. They tore all the fruit from the trees, gorged themselves, then threw fruit and generally vandalized the place. When the farmer caught them, he called the police and had them taken into custody. When the boys appeared before the judge after spending a night in jail, he asked them if they had learned their lesson. The first boy replied, "Yes, sir. All that fruit made me sick. My dad's a doctor, and he told me never to do that again!" The second boy was from a military family, "My dad told me that if I ever get in trouble with the law again, I can kiss Sandhurst goodbye!" The third boy told the judge, "You bet I won't do it. My dad's a lawyer, and I'm gonna sue that farmer for damages to my pants that got tore jumping his fence!"
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996) Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Clemson recruit Ray more...
Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife: THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD. THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED. The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read: TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN, PUT THE CANVAS AWAY. THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE, NO CIRCUS TODAY. So he sent another note down. It read: THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP, AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD. SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, ND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD. To which she replied: I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'STHE BEST IN THE LAND. BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW, SO DO IT BY HAND!!