Joe Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were twin bothers named Joe and John. Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank. A few days later a kindly old lady met Joe on the street, mistaking him for John. She said to him, "I'm sorry for your great loss. You must feel terrible." Joe said, "Oh, hell no. Fact is I'm sorta glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like dead fish. She was always losing her water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. The hole got bigger every time I used her, she leaked like crazy and it got to be too hard to keep her upright. But what really finished her off was these four tough guys who rented her for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't any good, but they all wanted to have a go with her anyway. The damned fools all tried to get on her at the same time and it was just too much for the old more...

Joe sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go.. .. I. .. I'm the one who took the $10, 000 from your safe.. .. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government.. . . "
"That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought," answered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."

Late one night there was a tap on the front door, so Joe awoke to have a look and there was this man asking him for a push, annoyed with him Joe slamed the door and went back to bed. His wife awoke and asked him who was it? just some guy wanting me to give him a push, so what did you say? nothing!! I just shut the door in his face... the wife got very upset with, chastised him and sent him back to give the poor fellow a push.
So Joe mumbling along went and opened the front door, but it was very dark and couldn't see anyone... so he hallowed "hey man where are you? sorry! can I give you a push now?" the voice returned from the dark corner of the garden "Yeh sure!!" Joe again goes where are you? the voice returns "Over here on the swing!!!"

John and Joe had been law partners for many years, sharing everything, most especially the affections of their libidinous secretary, Rose. One morning, an agitated John came to Joe with the bad news, "Rose is pregnant! We're going to be a father!" Joe, the more reserved of the two, calmed his partner and reminded him that things could be much worse. They were both well-off, and could easily afford the costs of raising the child. Rose would have the best care available, her child would attend only the finest schools, and neither would want for anything. The child would have the benefit of having two fathers, both of which were caring and well- educated. Gradually, John got used to the idea of fatherhood. When the big day came, both were at the hospital awaiting the news of their offspring's birth. Finally, John could take no more and went outside to take a walk. When he returned an hour later, Joe had the news. "We had twins," said Joe, "and mine died."

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by terrible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a more...

Peter: Hey, Joe. What are you doing?
Joe: I'm writing a letter to my sister.
Peter: Uhmm. And why are you writing so slowly?
Joe: Because she can't read faster than that!

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. So, Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is, 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says,'Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener.

"I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Steve says.' I thought you packed it.' Joe gets worried.

He turns to Poncho.' Poncho, do you have the bottle opener?'

Naturally, Poncho doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch more...