Joe Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks,' What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas'?
The little girl replies,' I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe'.
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,' I thought Barbie comes with Ken'.
' No', said the little girl.' She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.'
A golfer took a vacation in Florida. He was a big bettor and always had at least $500 riding on each round. He asked at the pro shop if there was anyone around who liked a little competition, and the pro introduced him to a man named Joe.
"Is Joe a good golfer?" the man asked when Joe left to get his clubs.
"He doesn’t look that good but he always seems to win his matches," the pro replied.
The man met Joe on the first tee, and they agreed to play for $500. On the first tee, Joe hooked his drive into the water, and the vacationer won the hole. On the next hole, Joe topped his drive and then shanked his second shot into the trees. The man won that hole, too. On the next tee Joe took off his hat and scratched his head. When he did that, a big parrot flew up and lighted in a nearby tree. "Want to double the bet?" Joe asked.
"Sure," the vacationer said, already counting his winnings as he stepped up to more...
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good nights sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joes former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "Its amazing! Im cured!""Thats great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?""I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!""One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously."Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist.""A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?""Oh, more...
Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible. Regards, Project Leader e-mail two Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability. more...
As Joe was trying to pack for vacation, his 3-year-old daughter was having a great time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, he reached out and stuck her fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy`s gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before he rushed out of the room again. When Joe returned, his daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears streaming down her face... Joe said, "What`s wrong honey?" Dejected, sad and broken, she looked up at him and said, "Daddy, where`s my booger?
These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair more...
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help. "Oh Lord, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night arrived and somebody else won the prize. Joe again looked up and prayed... "Oh Lord, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Again, Lotto night came and went and Joe still had no luck. Once again, he prayed... "Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order. .. " Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Joe more...