Joe Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a guy who's name was joe walked into to a bar really sad.
So the Bar tender said trying to be nice "What's wrong?". So the Joe said I just found out my brothers gay so the bartender said don't worry just pretend he isn't your brother so Joe said O. K and left a happy man.
The next day he came in again and told the bartender how he found out his other brother was gay so the bartender gave him the same advice and so Joe left a little happier.
The day after that he came in again and told the bartender how he found out his dad was gay so the bartender said "Man isn't there anybody in your family that likes girls?". So Joe answered "Ya... my mom."
-Neeljoe

Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a "good time." "Look," says the woman, "what do you think I am? I don't turn into a slut after 3 drinks, you know!""OK," replies Joe, "so how many does it take?"

It's 2: 30 AM at the local bar and Joe is drunk as usual. The bartender tells Joe that he has to leave and Joe staggers out the door.
The next night Joe comes back in sober. The bartender says "what will you have tonight?" Joe says, "I'll just have a soda tonight." The bartender says, "Joe you been coming in here and drinking for a long time and you've never had just soda before, is something wrong?" Joe says, "Yeah I think I'm going to quit drinking because last night when I got home I blew chunks." The bartender says, "Listen Joe, anyone that's ever drank before has had to much to drink and vomited before, don't let it get you down. Joe says, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."

Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at the Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only thing made out of wood!). So they stick us in this stable full of stale hay and stinking animals and guess what???
I go right into labor. My OB doc said: "Make the trip."
Anyway, we have a new baby boy that we think is truly special. But it's been a madhouse ever since!
First, we couldn't agree on a name. Joe likes Emmanuel - I'm holding out for Jesus. In the middle of the argument all the animals in the stable start talking and taking sides!
Next, all these shepherds stopped by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad enough). And, since this is Joseph's hometown, the whole mishpuka seemed to drop in.
You wouldn't believe his weird "cousin" John! All the time he babbles about' logos' and' kerygma' and a whole bunch of stuff that's just plain Greek to me.
Then there's a Stella, (or is it Quelle?) who keeps asking me to write more...

Mom: Joe, time for your medicine. Joe: I'll run the bath then. Mom: Why? Joe: Because on the bottle it says "to be taken in water."

Yes, there is a difference in the way the English language is used on the Eastern and Western parts of the USA. This translation guide is said to have been found in an East Coast office of a major computer manufacturer.

Here's a handy guide for those of you who have to deal with vendors, customers, or other divisions on the left coast.


East Coast West Coast

absolutely not maybe
yes maybe
action item by Feb 12 for joe Joe's working on the problem
bozo subcontractor
brawl design review

ignore him, he's new I'm bringing him up to speed
local bar offsite facility
meet me in the parking lot let's take that discussion offline
oh shit thanks for bringing that to my attention
overdesigned robust

punch his lights out constructive confrontation
shut the fuck up thank you for your input
shut up a minute let me share this with you
that's totally incompetent let me build on that more...

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."