Jogging Jokes / Recent Jokes

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206, 000, 000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese and mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are more...

I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

One day George Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a ridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."
The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"
"I'll personally hand it to you," said Mr. Bush.
"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.
"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the grateful Bush.
"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.
"I'll personally. .. wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"
"No -- but I will be when my dad finds out I saved you from drowning."

a brunette was jogging down the street saying "66,66,66" etc. a blonde comes up behind her asking her "why are you saying 66."
The bruette says "It helps me jog better."
So, the blonde goes across the street and starts saying "66,66" etc. The brunette yells "Its alot easier if you do it in the street."
So, the blonde goes in the middle of the street saying "66" all of a sudden a truck comes up and hits her.
The brunette keeps jogging down the road saying "67,67,67"

One evening Premadasa is jogging at the Independannce Square Sports Grounds. He sees this beaytiful
whore at the bus stop near the other end og the jogging track and approaches her.
"How much?" asks Premadasa.
"Hundred and fifty ruppees." comes the reply.
"Damn too much, Ten ruppees?" suggests Prem.
"Hundred and Fifty" the lady won't budge. So Prem goes away jogging.
The next evening he sees the same woman at the bus stop.
"How much?" asks Prem thinking that he will get a better deal today.
"Hundred and fifty ruppees." comes the reply.
"No no, too much, Ten ruppees?" suggests Prem.
"Hundred and Fifty" the lady again won't budge. So Prem goes away jogging.
The third evening Hema joins Prem for a jog. Both are jogging along the track and Prem sees the lady
again. This time Prem ignores her (because of the obvious reason that Hema is with him) and more...

How much weight do we lose during sex?
Diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable.
Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.
EXAMPLES:
1 hr. intensive foreplay burns off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake.
25 min. nonstop lovemaking burns off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.
53 min. of kissing partner burns off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.
53 minutes kissing yourself burns off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.
PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)
ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3; Decanting the wine: 4; Without a corkscrew: 268
MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: more...

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese and mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. PREPARING THE BEDROOM Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are more...