Johnnie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Johnnie wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks... but nothing happened.
Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president.
The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
When Johnnie received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual, those jerks took 95%.
Love,
Johnnie

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnnie. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnnie, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk.
The barber whispered, "That's Johnnie, one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. Here, I'll show you."
"Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber.
Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!"
The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his choice.
Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand.
The barber looked at the businessman and said, "See, I told you."
After his haircut, the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime.
Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said, "If I take the quarter, the game is over."

Eight year old Johnnie came home from school one day. At the supper table he announced to his mother and father that tomorrow in school they were going to learn about sex education. The next evening at the dinner table Johnnie's mother asked, "Well Johnnie, what did you learn about sex education today?" Johnnie said, "I think the teacher said we should avoid inter-sections and buy condominiums."

One Saturday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.
She started with, "To err is nature, to rectify error is glory."
Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "George Washingotn."
"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home."
The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you..."
Before she could finish this quote, another gal belts out, "John F. Kennedy."
"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go."
Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnnie said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."
Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it.
Johnnie instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you on more...