Johnnie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnnie sees his Daddy's car passing the play ground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace".
Johnnie finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedtly:
"MOMMYMOMMY, IWAS ATTHEPLAYGROUNDANDDADDYAND.."
Mommy tells him to slow down, she wants to hear the story, so Johnny tells her; "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane layed down on the seat, then Daddy.."
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnnie, this is such an interesting story. Suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asks more...

Two small boys were overheard talking one day.
"My name is Jimmy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Johnnie," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy.
Johnnie replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Jimmy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Johnnie.

A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for he and his wife the night of his return. He sent the two older children to the movies, but no matter how he tried, could not persuade Little Johnnie to go along with them... Finally he made a deal with the boy. "I'll give you $5. 00 for every man you see go by in a red hat. You stand here and count them, OK?" Little Johnnie agreed with a hopeful smile on his face. A while later Little Johnnie came running into the house, banged on the bedroom door and shouted, "Hey Dad! If you think your getting screwed in there, you'd ain't seen nothin' yet! You'd better come outside here. There's a Shriner convention coming past!"

A college student writes to his parents...
Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another two hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son,
Johnnie.
P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!"

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

At a bar in new york, the man to laloo's left tells the bartender, "johnnie walker, single." & the man's companion says, "jack daniels, single."
... the bartender approaches laloo and asks, "and you, sir?"
Laloo replies: "laloo yadav, married."

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out aboutsomething exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie." Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one.... Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!"