Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his
father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad
humping away on the bed! "Dad!" says Johnny, "What are you doing!"
Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says "Well, Johnny, I'm
playing poker...and your mother's the wild card". "Oh,"says Johnny and he leaves the room.
Still in need of an answer to his question, Little Johnny set out to
look for his big brother, Ernie. He opens his brother's bedroom door and finds Ernie and his sister Thelma humping away! "Ernie!" cried Johnny, "What are you doing!". Ernie stops humping for a second and says, "Well...I'm playing poker, Johnny... and Thelma is the wildcard. "Oh", says Johnny and he leaves the room.
Later, Johnny's dad approached Johnny's room to call him to dinner. He
opens Johnny's bedroom door and finds Johnny wacking off like it more...

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a
good answer to her husband's baldness.Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so
much hair?”

Little Johnny was late for class. He walked into the classroom, quietly shut the door behind him, and tiptoed to his seat, all the while hoping his teacher wouldn't notice. But, nevertheless, the teacher was well aware of his entry.
Upset by his tardiness, the teacher asked, "Is this how your father would have come in? Would he have come in late and tried to sneak to his desk?"
The teacher pointed to the door and continued, "Now, leave this classroom and try it again. And, be sure to get it right next time!"
So, Little Johnny picked up his books and left the room. A few moments later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth.
He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the floor, and said, "So, Honey, didn't expect *me*, did you?"

The young kindergarten teacher had just instructed her charges to come forward as their names were called and be prepared to draw something on the blackboard that had been the cause of excitement in their homes during the previous week. One by one the pupils came forward and sketched such items as report cards, television sets, mothers' new hats, and the like. When it came time for Johnny, the class cutup, to comply with the assignment, however, he walked to the board and simply made two white dots before returning to his seat. Suspecting that he was up to one of his usual pranks, the teacher advised Johnny that he had better be able to explain why those two dots were exciting if he didn't want to be kept after school.
"Well," said Johnny, "the other day you told us that those dots are also called periods-"
"That's correct," the teacher interrupted. "But what could possibly be exciting about two periods?"
"Beats me," more...

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time, so she decided to get his attention. "Johnny," she said, "if the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?"
Johnny answered, "Thirty-four."
The teacher replied, "Well, that's not far from my age. Tell me... how did you guess?"
"Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty !" shouted Mary.
The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary.
The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn more...

A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?"she says. Johnny replies, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"