Johnson Jokes / Recent Jokes

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.

The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.

Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.

He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.

Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."

Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial more...

A fire breaks out in Houston, a woman and her baby are trapped on the eleventh floor.

A man steps out from the crowd " I am Billy' Whiteshoes' Johnson -- ten time all star receiver...toss me your baby.. I will catch it!"

So, the woman tosses her baby down. Billy Johnson runs back jumps up and makes a beautiful one handed catch. Does a little dance and then spikes the baby down on the ground as if it were a football!

The horses in the race...
Passionate Lady
Clean Sheets
Bare Belly
Thighs
Silk Panties
Big Johnson
Conscience
Heavy Bosom
Jockey Shorts
Merry Cherry
At the Post...
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark...
It's Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At the Stretch...
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At the Finish...
It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It more...

Melanie Griffith is taking heat for blowing smoke with her teenage offspring. Last week outside a Beverly Hills boutique, paparazzi snapped the actress, 48, cigarette dangling from her lips, lighting a nicotine stick for a young woman identified as her 16-year-old daughter, Dakota (dad is Don Johnson)........

I mean what is the big deal. Smoking cigarettes is cool, we all know that and this is just the beginning of her cool training. Her dad is Don Johnson for goodness sake. She has a lot of work to do, to live up to that amount of coolness. Next on the to-do list of cool.....rolling up your jacket sleeves to use a hand gun and singing duets with Barbra Streisand.....Get cracking Dakota!!

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A. M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A. M. passed without Johnson`s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class,' 'Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.''

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly,' 'Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.'' With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied,' 'The pupil of the eye, in dim light.''

''Correct,'' said Mr. Perkins.' 'And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment.''

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: “When I’m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones. ”

Wife: “No, I can’t marry anyone after you. ”

Johnson: “But I want you to. ”

Wife: “But why? ”

Johnson: “Jones once cheated me in a horse deal! ”