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Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards." So he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior. The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club forhis interview. "Tea?" the interviewer asks. "Earl Grey, hot please." "Hobbies?" "Polo, racket ball, hunting." "Religion?" "Goy."
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The Yoko Club? - Oh no. The German philosophy club? - I. Kant. The Ford-Nixon club? - Pardon me? The Arafat club? - Yessir. The Alzheimer's club? - Forget it. The Ebert movie club? - Roger. The Groucho Marx club? - You bet your life. The Peter Pan club? - Never. Never. The Japanese theater club? - Noh. The quarterback club? - I'll pass. The Rhett Butler club? - I don't give a damn. The compulsive rhymers club? - Okey-dokey. The Spanish optometrists club? - Si. The anti-perspirant club? - Sure. The pregnancy club? - Conceivably. The Procrastinator's Club? - Maybe next week The Self Esteem Builders? - They wouldn't accept me anyway The Agoraphobics Society? - Only if they meet at my house The Co-Dependence Club? - Can I bring a friend? The Prayer Group? - God willing!
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
Three very religious rabbis in black with long beards were playing golf.
A guy named Mulhaney wanted to play golf and this was the only threesome in
which he could play. So he joins the rabbis and plays 18 holes.
At the end of the game his score is 104. The rabbis shot 69, 70 and 71.
He says to them, "How come you all play such good golf?"
The lead rabbi said, "When you live a religious life, join and attend
temple, you are rewarded."
Mulhaney loves golf and figures, what do I have to lose. So he finds a
temple close to his home, attends twice a week, converts, joins and lives
a holy life.
About a year later he again plays golf with the three rabbis. He shoots a
104 and they shoot a 69, 70, 71. He says to them, "Okay, I joined a temple,
live a religious life and I'm still shooting lousy.
The lead rabbi said to him, "What temple did you join?"
He said, "Beth Shalom".
The rabbi more...
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I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
I will get dressed before noon.
I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
I will read a book... I think I still remember how.
I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, whether it is necessary or not.
I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my more...